HUMOR - LIFE IS BETTER WHEN YOU LAUGH

You Might Be A Boy/Girl Scouter If....

• most of your wardrobe is olive drab or khaki.
• you keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking dinner.
• you spontaneously break into strange songs in public.
• you carry your own toilet paper wherever you go.
• you always read by a flashlight.
• your radio is always tuned to the weather station.
• you hoard tent stakes.
• you keep a lantern hanging outside your bathroom door.
• you cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up.
• you carry a dufflebag size first-aid kit in your car.
• you always have hat hair.
• you continue to wear it until it stands on its own.
• you see paint samples in a store and immediately want to name things in nature with the same colors.
• your pots and pans are all black.
• you roast a mini-marshmallow on a paper clip over a candle; then put it on a golden graham with one square of chocolate, just to get the flavor.
• you always cook enough food for twelve.
• you always have a cup hooked to your belt.
• all your dishes have little pieces of egg stuck on them.
• you open letters with a pocket knife.
• you know 365 one pot meals.
• if your "microwave" is a box wrapped in foil.
• you buy your shampoo in little tiny bottles.
• you have the urge to help little old ladies ... whether they want it or not.
• everything in your cupboard says "Instant, just add water".
• you really do use those emergency sewing kits.
• you see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle.
• you know 100 uses for a bandana.
• you wear thongs in the shower.
• you have a collection of used candles and dryer lint.
• someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the air.
• your favorite cologne is "Deep Woods Off!".
• you can't remember which hand to shake with in the office on Monday morning.
• you have the end of every rope at home backspliced or whipped.
• you correct someone who says "Gee, I used to be an Eagle Scout/Girl Scout", and then get him/her to volunteer in your Troop.
• you always have a boy/girl registration and adult leader application in your bag. And you have to keep replacing them.
• you deeply understand the potential of a group working together.
• you camp for a week in the summer with about a dozen old guys/women; about 40 between 18 and 30; hundreds between 11 and 18; and the whole thing works!
• you know you have brothers/sisters all over the world.
• you have helped raise each other's children.
• you are proud of the mentors your sons/daughters have found.
• you say "signs up" in a business meeting to quiet everyone down.
• you find yourself discussing the relative merits of internal vs. external frame packs on a date.
• your closets are full and they don't contain clothes, but craft stuff.
• you have a special woven belt loop cup holder.
• you know more than two ways to light a fire.
• your gourmet meal consists of cornbread, "Spam," and bug-juice.
• your front door has a zipper instead of a deadbolt.
• your last birthday cake was prepared and served in a Dutch Oven.
• you're the only one on your block with a fire pit in your back yard.
• your "family vacation" includes 30 kids your wife/husband doesn't know.
• you've ever heard the phrase, "Trust me, it's only an hour and a half a week!!"
• you have holes in the pockets of your jeans from carrying a pocket knife.
• you begin to think half frozen french fries don't taste all that bad.
• you keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking dinner.
• you spontaneously break into strange songs in public.
• You can stare at a spider web for an hour, and not notice the time
• you carry your own toilet paper wherever you go.
• you always read by a flashlight.
• your radio is always tuned to the weather station.
• you horde tent stakes.
• you wear 2 pairs of socks to bed.
• you keep a lantern hanging outside your bathroom door.
• you sleep under a trash bag.
• you cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up.
• you carry a dufflebag size first aide kit in your car.
• you always have hat hair.
• you continue to wear it until it stands on it's own.
• you're always counting how many matches you have left.
• you tie up your little brother, and he can't get loose.
• you know all the words to Little Bunny Foo-Foo, but can't remember your anniversary.
• you see paint samples in a store and immediately want to name things in nature with the same colors.
• your pots and pans are all black.
• you roast mini marshmallows on a paper clip over a candle, put it on a golden graham with one square of chocolate, just to get the flavor.
• you always cook enough food for twelve.
• all your clothes smell like pickles (from the bucket).
• pie iron pizzas is the best meal you've had all week.
• you always have a cup hooked to your belt.
• all your dishes have little pieces of egg stuck on them.
• you own little bits of every color felt.
• you open letters with a pocket knife.
• you have something on your shoe...and you're sure it's only mud.
• you eat ants on a log and like it.
• you wear bread bags on your feet.
• you know 365 one pot meals.
• when opening large gifts you survey the box wondering if you have a piece of foil large enough to cover it.
• you buy your shampoo in little tiny bottles.
• you order pizzas 14 at a time.
• you have the urge to help little old ladies...whether they want it or not.
• everything in your cupboard says "Instant, just add water".
• your neighbors hide when they see you going door to door with "that order form" again.
• you have to go to the restroom and you start looking for a buddy.
• you really do use those emergency sewing kits.
• you go to someone's house for dinner, don't like the food, and ask if they have peant butter and jelly.
• you tie your shoe and check the handbook to se if it can go toward earning a badge.
• you see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle.
• you know 100 uses for a bandana.
• all your shirts have pin holes in them.
• you wear thongs in the shower.
• you actually own the book, "How to Sh*t in the Woods".
• you have a collection of used candles and dryer lint.
• someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the air.
• your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.
• you can't remember which hand to shake with in the office on Monday morning.
• you miss the "floaties" and "sinkers" in the office coffee.
• your computer password is "TLH FCK OCT BCR."
• you miss "cargo pockets."
• you really love your self-inflating sleep pad.
• you have the end of every rope at home backspliced or whipped.
• you correct someone who says "Gee, I used to be an Eagle Scout." and then get him to volunteer in you Troop.
• you always have a boy registration and adult leader application in your red bag. And you have to keep replacing them.
• you deeply understand the potential of a group working together
• you camp for a week in the summer with about a dozen old guys about 40 between 18 and 30 and hundreds between 11 and 18 and the whole thing works!
• you know you have brothers all over the world.
• you have seen the spiritual power the outdoors can have on men and boys.
• you have helped raise eachother's children. You are proud of the mentors your sons have found.
• You know who in your patrol can really cook and who's talent lies in dishwashing. And, you think a pan of warm water feels pretty good after dinner.
• Your garage is full of what you used to consider trash, that you now consider raw materials for arts & crafts projects.
• You have your own desk & filing cabinet just for scout related paperwork.
• If your calendar is full of meetings that you never forget, but can't remember to send a birthday card to your brother-in-law on time.
• If you have the local BSA office on speed dial.
• If you stop by other people's house on trash day, rescuing items you can use.
• You know all the best yard sales and thrift shops.
• People don't recognize you when you're not in uniform.
• if you catch yourself singing "God Bless My Underwear" when it's time to sing "God Bless America"......you might be a scout. if your "microwave" is a box wrapped in foil...
• if your gourmet meal consists of cornbread, "Spam," and bug-juice...
• if your idea of a burned-out lightbulb is a broken mantle...
• if your front door has a zipper instead of a deadbolt...
• if your last birthday cake was prepared and served in a Dutch Oven...
• if you've ever heard the phrase, "Trust me, it's only an hour a week!!"...
• if you're the only one on your block with a fire pit in your backyard...
• if you've ever been mistaken for a park ranger or a State Trooper...
• if your "family vacation" includes 30 kids your wife/husband doesn't know...
• if the trash collector has ever requested that you not hang your bags between the trees in the parkway...
• You take the family on vacation, And you stop at the Scout office to pick-up a tour permit.
• You pack to go on a weekend trip to visit friends And you take your backpack instead of your suitcase.
• You pack your suitcase(backpack) for the weekend And roll your clothes up instead of using hangers.
• You are in a large group of people and someone tries to talk And you hold up the Scout sign to get them to quiet down.
• You go on a family walk around the block And you take a map and a compass along.
• You go to a public campground with the family And you rope off your site and put up the patrol flag.
• Instead of building a fence around the yard with nails and wood, You lash it with poles and rope.
• Instead of teaching your 1 yr. old son his ABC’s You teach him the Scout Law and the Scout Oath
• Instead of a Flower garden in the middle of the backyard You have a fire pit, with logs and stumps to sit on
• Someone asks for a light and you pull out your magnesium sparker
• A stranger asks for directions to a public restroom and you hand him a trowel and give him detailed instructions in the fine art of digging a kitty hole.
• You pack your kids lunch box with things like foil packs, dutch oven cobbler and bug juice.
• Derby Day has nothing to do with Kentucky or horses. It's all about a 5 oz block of wood and a ramp.
• You ask off work for B-P's birthday.
• And the number one way you can tell if you are a Scouter is: You take your own bag of Trails End, Butter Microwave Popcorn to the movies and ask the guy behind the counter to put it in the microwave for 2m, 33s exactly.

 1. You buy that '89 Chevy Caprice because you really like that
    fleur-di-lis hood ornament.
 2. Your favorite color is "olive drab".
 3. You decide to lash together the new deck on the back of your house.
 4. You plan to serve foil meals at your next dinner party.
 5. You walk the streets in broad daylight with a coffee cup and
    flashlight hanging from your belt.
 6. You raise your hand in the scout sign at a heated business meeting.
 7. You were arrested by airport security because you wouldn't give
    up your official BSA pocket knife until the cop said "got it".
 8. You didn't mind losing power to your house for three days.
 9. Your son hides his copy of Boy's Life from you.
10. Your plans for remodeling the bathroom include digging the
    hole deeper.
11. You trade your 25 ft.center console fishing boat in on that great
    little 15 ft. canoe.
12. Your favorite movie is "Follow Me Boys" staring Fred MacMurry,
    and you spent months trying to convince Disney to release it on
    home video.
13. You managed to find that 8th day in the week.
14. Your patron saint is Ward Cleaver.
15. You disconnect the automatic dishwasher in favor of the
    "3 pot method".
16. You can actually start a fire by rubbing two sticks together.
17. Latrines at camp start becoming comfortable.
18. You felt you won a moral victory when the BSA brought back
    knee socks.
19. You gave your wife a mummy bag rated for -15 deg F for Christmas.
    It was the nicest gift you've given her.
20. You name one of your kids Baden.
21. Your favorite tune is "Camp Granada" (hello mudda...hello fadda)
     by Allen Sherman.
22. You can recite the 12 points of the Scout Law backwards,in order,
    in 3 seconds flat.
23. You bought 10,000 shares of Coleman stock on an inside tip that
    they were about to release a microwave accessory for their camp
    stove line.
24. You can't eat eggs anymore unless they are cooked in a zip-lock bag
25. You plan to get rich by writing a best selling Dutch Oven cook book
26. You took a chemistry course at the local college to help you
    develop a better fire starter.
27. You actually own a left-handed smoke shifter.
28. A trip to Philmont is a pilgrimage.
29. You are convinced that the center of the universe is Irving,Texas.
30. The sales operators at the BSA distribution center's 800 number
     recognize your voice.
31. Singing "Scout Vespers" makes you cry uncontrollably.
32. You were disappointed when "Scouting Magazine" didn't win the
    Pulitzer Prize last year.
33, The Scouts in your troop chipped in to have you abducted by a
    professional cult de-programmer.